Cross Roads
by deathback4
Summary: Sequel to 'The Road We Must Take' what happens when Ziva has a secret she's holding from Tony? What happens when Eli is determined to get between Tony and Ziva? Will their love survive? Or when a tragedy strikes the couple will their love last? Read and find out! Contains Mild Cussing, and SMUT TIVA!
1. Leave

**A/n was up guys!? The long awaited sequel is here! If you haven't read "The Road We Must Take" stop what you're doing and go to my page and read it, if you may continue this is the sequel which I have named "Cross Roads" I know Crossroads is one word but I wanted to make it TWO it looks better. This story will pick up where "The Road We Must Take" Left off. It will contain mild cussing, and detailed smut. Full of Tiva goodness! If you haven't read my story "The Beginning of My Life" after this chapter please do so it's a TIVA story about a Navy SEAL Tony, I believe it's worth reading. But Ima leave you alone for you can read don't forget to REVIEW!**

**Cross Roads**

**Chapter 1**

**Leave**

Tony woke up to the sound of his blaring alarm. Tony sighed as he sat up turning off the annoying contraption, then rubbing his eyes with his hands. Tony dragged himself to his bathroom and began getting ready for work at NCIS as Gibb's senior field agent.

He put on a plain black Armani suit and walked to his car a red mustang challenger since his old black one was violently assaulted a few weeks ago. Tony sighed at the memory of Monica his old car. He looked at his new baby Rosa he called her as he got in her and drove off to the NCIS building.

When he arrived McGee and Gibbs were sitting at their desk typing up paper work. He looked at his girlfriend's desk her stuff was there but she was nowhere in sight. Tony sighed as he sat down and logged on to his computer.

_Who was his girlfriend you as, only the most beautiful and intelligent Mossad Assassin that every walked the face of the earth! Yep Ziva David the beautiful Israeli actually likes him, no wait LOVES him and oh how does he love her. He feels like the luckiest man in the world when after work he gets to spend time with her in his arms. And believe it or not Gibbs actually approves! He even told them "Congratulations" Of course he threatened Tony later with murder if he hurt Ziva but hey the boss is letting them be together _ Tony sighed as he thought again _So where is Ziva_ as if answering his unspoken question the amazing former Mossad assassin walked into the bull pen and sat down at her desk.

Tony was shocked he looked at the calendar it wasn't her birthday and they started dating a month ago so their month anniversary wasn't till two weeks from now. _So why is she mad? _To anyone else Ziva would seem perfectly fine she just walked into the bull pen and sat down but, NO, NO Tony knew something was up.

First, Ziva walked in and did not say hi or hello or give him a kiss on the cheek like she usually does, which is strange and the first sign that something is wrong, _She might have forgotten you say_, okay Ziva is a crazy kick ass ex Assassin she doesn't forget anything but let's go with that.

Second, all of Ziva's hair is on her right shoulder, Ziva never puts her hair on her right shoulder unless Tony is kissing her left shoulder or unless she has recently ran her hands through her hair in a frustrated manner. Which leads him to mean that she is frustrated which leads him to believe that he did something wrong.

Third, and most importantly Ziva's blouse is open exposing her tank top underneath her button up shirt why is this important you ask, Well because although Tony love the few of Ziva's cleavage she knows that he doesn't like anyone else seeing her like that so she avoids showing too much. But since her blouse is open and the building isn't hot it meant that Ziva had opened her blouse to help breath and Ziva only felt like she had trouble breathing if she got to anxious and worked up, or of course when Tony gave her too much pleasure. And since they had not had sex in a few days he knew that she was mad and or frustrated.

He continued to stare at Ziva who was sitting across from him in her desk he knew that she should be able to feel him staring at her because of her crazy ninja senses, but she wasn't looking at him Tony sighed deeply and looked at the pile of paper work on his desk and began working on it.

Ziva sighed she felt Tony's eyes on her as soon as she got back in to the bull pen, but she couldn't face him, how would he react? Would he yell at her? Cuss her out? Leave her! Ziva doesn't know if she would be able to live without Tony he was here rock, her heart, she loved him. She knew that she should tell him that he deserved to know but how would she even bring it up? Ziva sighed as she tried her hardest to not look up from her paper work. Tony's eyes were boring holes into her skin, she didn't know if she could take it.

But as if he heard her she felt his eyes move off of her so she took the time to look up at him. He was wearing a regular all black suit but Tony made it look amazing, just like he made everything look good. She sighed heavily she knew that she could not live without him. But could he live without her? Ziva's sure after she tells him what's happened he will leave her and find someone else Ziva couldn't help the single tear that fell from her eyes.

How would she live without her love?

**A/n hey guys I know it's a super short chapter the shortest one I've written but I couldn't give you to many clues on the first date now could I ;) How'd you like the first chapter? Comment REVIEW if you have been waiting on this story I hope it will live up to your expectations! REVIEW! REVIEW **

**-The Joker**


	2. The Talk

**A/n Hey guys sorry it's been so long since my last update I was volunteering at a basketball camp for kids with autism it was fun but tiring, I meant to write yesterday but I hit a writing block, for those of you following my Tony SEAL story I have updated that as well. Enjoy the chapter and REVIEW!**

**-The Joker**

**Chapter 2**

**The Talk**

Ziva took a deep breath in and a deep breath out as she looked up from her desk to look at Tony, their relationship or their friendship is going to be ruined and she knows it this past month has been the best time of her life with him but for the last 3 weeks she has been keeping a secret from him and she just knows it's going to break his heart.

Ziva knew that Tony could tell that she is frustrated he can read her like a book, and knows every little sign she gives off, it amazes her that she has been able to deceiving him for this long but she knows that sooner or later he will find out and he will end up leaving her alone.

Ziva had arrived earlier than normal for work so she could go to MTAC to speak to her father, whom she had yet to tell about her relationship with Tony.

_"__Shalom, aba" Ziva said as she stands in the middle of MTAC looking at her father Eli David head of Mossad._

_"__Shalom, my Ziva it has been to long" Eli says curious to what brought his only child to come into contact with him_

_"__I know, but I have important news I must discuss with you." _

_"__Speak to me my dear what is the problem?"_

_Ziva tell her father what has happened and tells him of her relationship with Tony_

_"__I am loss on what to do, I love Tony too much to tell him, but I know that if I do not tell him he will find out, he is too smart not to." Ziva said fighting the tears in her eyes as she looks up at her father, she doesn't know why she came to him for advice on this but she felt like if she told anyone else on the team they would just turn their backs on her and she couldn't take that._

_"__My dear Ziva, this is quite the situation, if I were you I would continue to deceive Agent Meatball, for as long as possible then deal with the problem when he finds out, what's that saying , 'what you don't know doesn't hurt you.'"_

_"__But, Aba I feel so dirty and vile for doing what I'm doing to him."_

_"__It will be okay my dear, just hold out for as long as you can, I must go now sweetie, Good bye"_

_"__Good bye"_

And that's what has Ziva so frustrated as she recalls the memory from earlier that day, every time she looks at Tony she feels him moving further and further away from her and she knows that it will get to a point where he's gone and want come back.

_"__Officer Tuvia, I want you to get that Agent Anthony DiNozzo away from my daughter, he has already tainted her with his American mannerisms, I do not need her hurt more, their situation is… delicate, so it should pose no problem getting between them. Do you understand?" Eli asked as he sat in his chair facing his best weapon _

_"__Yes, sir." Liat said as she exited his office and head to her home for she could get ready for her flight to D.C,_

_"__Yes, my dear, Ziva you will be home soon."_

**A/n I know super short chapter again but don't you worry I have the other chapter ready for you guys I couldn't leave you hanging like that.**

**REVIEW  
-The Joker**


	3. I Can't Breathe Without You

**A/n Hey guy's chapter three enjoy it and Review!  
-The Joker**

**Chapter 3**

**I Can't Breathe Without You**

Ziva was tired and frustrated, Tony had not tried talking to her all day, _and well it's not as if he didn't try, but every time he went to say something to her Gibb's came in barking out orders at them and putting us back to work._

Ziva ran another frustrated hand through her hair earning a sympathetic look from Tony it was nearly 11 o'clock and Gibbs still hadn't released them, the longer Ziva went without talking to Tony the more frustrated she became, on top of her eyelids wanting to shut and the mental fatigue of holding back a secret from her love Tony, Ziva wanted nothing more than to go to her apartment and crawl into her bed and rest.

As if the gods were answering her prayers a Gibbs came from MTAC and into the bullpen

"Dismissed, go home." Gibbs gruffed at his team setting his coffee down, and sitting behind his desk.

McGee, Ziva, and Tony, all packed up their gear and practically ran to the elevator all Agents exhausted from the day's work. The elevator ride to the parking garage was quiet all agents enjoying the relaxation, that they hadn't enjoyed throughout the day

When they reached garage level, McGee said his quick good bye before scurrying off to his car, Ziva and Tony walked to their cars which are always parked next to each other.

"Tony are you okay" Ziva said now was her chance to ask him why he had been so quiet all day, this was there chance to talk without interruption.

"Yea, Zi are YOU, okay?" Tony questioned fixing his gaze on her as the strode up to their cars, Ziva hesitated for a second she was fine but she knew that soon her and Tony's days would be numbered and that is not okay. But she answered anyways

"Yes, I am fine."

"Good cause this morning you seemed kind of mad." Tony was trying to get as much information out of her as he could. "I am not mad Tony." Ziva said as she leaned against the driver side door of her car with Tony leaning on the passenger side of his. They were facing each other looking through each other's eyes trying to see what the other was truly feeling.

"You sure Zi, I didn't forget anything important did I?" Tony asked his face crunching up in c as he tried to deceiver any possible things he may have forgotten, like a sister birthday or something.

Ziva chuckled at his face. "Tony it is nothing it has just been a long day I was just frustrated." Tony sighed out in relief and gave her a lopsided smile. "Do you want to come over then and I can release some of that stress." Tony said stepping into her personal space leaving them a few inches apart. Ziva's breath hitched and the thought of Tony's hands running over her body causing so much heat almost made her give in but she knew she couldn't.

Ziva sighed and pushed Tony away lightly for she could breathe normally "Not tonight Tony I am tired Good Night, Ahuvi." Ziva said turning away and disappearing into her car before Tony had a chance to respond.

Tony stood their frozen now he knew something was defiantly wrong, Ziva normally wouldn't reject an offer of a free massage and possible sex. _What did he do now? _Tony sighed and got into his car and drove to his apartment thinking what the hell had he done wrong.

Ziva sighed deeply as she entered her apartment she knew Tony was probably racking his brain trying to figure out what he was doing wrong but it wasn't him it's her, she's the one who was wrong.

Ziva ranted to herself as she got ready for bed and climbed in the bed wishing she had a time machine.

The next day Ziva woke up feeling better she felt better she managed to make it through the night and felt fine this morning. Ziva smiled at her reflection as she brushed her teeth and got ready for work.

When Ziva arrived at the bullpen it was 7:00 Gibbs was already working at his desk McGee and Tony had yet to show up yet, she said her quick hello to Gibbs and sat behind her desk logging onto her computer to start with paper work she didn't finish yesterday at 7:15 McGee walked in to the bull pen saying hi to both Gibb's and Ziva before sitting down and logging into the computer.

At 8:00 Ziva was curious why Tony was late, sure he's almost never really early but he's usually not this late 7:45 being the latest he would normally come in saying sorry to Gibbs then rambling about and excuse he had, before receiving a glare and a head slap from Gibb's before starting his day.

Ziva looked at Gibb's who seemed perfectly immune and unaware of his senior field agents absents Ziva didn't want to ask him, just on the rare occasion that Gibb's had not noticed that Tony wasn't here, she didn't want to tell on him and end up getting him into trouble.

At 8:45 Ziva was on edge she was looking up every time the elevator ringed hoping Tony would walk out and be running into the bull pen begging Gibb's for his job, even McGee had emailed Ziva asking her if she knows where Tony was.

At 9:15 Ziva was on a rampage she had asked Gibb's where Tony was and he just shrugged before disappearing to MTAC, Ziva had called Tony 25 times! Leaving a more violent message of how she was going to kill him if he did not show up to work soon, all her calls where met with voicemail signaling that Tony had his phone off, Ziva even forced McGee to try to track Tony's phone but he couldn't because it was off. She even called down to Abby and Ducky who both were surprised and had no idea where Tony might be Abby had also joined the search for Tony saying as soon as he turns his phone on she would know where he was.

Ziva was heated when at 9:30 Tony strode into the bull pen with a huge smile on his face, Ziva lost it

"WHERE THE FUCK WERE YOU?" Ziva shouted as soon as McGee heard 'where' he deiced that it would be best for his safety if he wasn't in the bull pen, so he made a mad dash for the stairs missing the look that Tony gave him as he descended down the stairwell.

"Zi-"

"No Tony I don't want to hear it, all your excuses I called you 37 times Tony! 37, and you could not pick up one call, where were you that you needed to have your phone off at hmm? Were you out fucking some whore and you turned off your phone so you wouldn't be bothered? Huh?" Ziva was pissed she stepped into Tony's face in the middle of the bull pen, Tony was a good 4-5 inches taller than her but her anger mad her seem ten times taller.

Tony looked around other Agents had stopped what they were doing to watch the NCIS couple.

"Ziva, baby"

"Don't, Ziva baby me you aren't sweet talking me like one of the sluts you are with, who is it Tony, Marisa again, or maybe Julia I noticed she wasn't here when I got here as well."

Tony couldn't take it with Ziva insulting him accusing him of cheating and the all the eyes watching him, he turned from Ziva and walked to the men's room hoping to get some peace for he can gather himself.

But Ziva was on a rampage and wouldn't let him get away that easy, she burst into the bathroom right after Tony who had begun to wash his face with water from the sink

"I never thought you were a coward Tony, too afraid to admit that you are an unfaithful bastard." Ziva saw the hurt in Tony's eyes and knew she went too far, but she was too angry and couldn't control her emotions. Ziva was staring daggers into Tony who just looked at her with teary eyes and an expression she couldn't really read.

Their staring was broken off when a flush came from one of the stalls and an Agent stepped out and ran awkwardly from the bathroom.

When he left Ziva continued her assault "So tell me who she is Tony!" Ziva said stepping into his face daring him to say something smart.

Tony was lost for words he had just came from the hospital from a checkup with Dr. Pitt over his lungs he has one every 2 years, Gibb's already knew so he figured the team would just except his tardiness but when he got to work, Ziva started attacking him accusing him of infidelity when he was completely faithful to her.

"Zi-" Tony started but was broken up when another NCIS Agent came into the bathroom whistling but stopped immediately once he saw the seen and backed out of the bathroom slowly before running away to where ever he came.

"Tony forget it I am sick of you, I don't even want to hear your lies, we are OVER, I am done with you! And to say I loved you." Ziva spat out glaring at Tony as if he was some common filth

That snapped Tony out of his daze as his face contorted in ager as he shot back "Well god reddens I'm tired of walking on egg shells around you lately anyways." Tony said brushing past her when he reached the door he turned around and said "By the way, I was at the doctor's office having a lung checkup, not that it matters to you." Tony turned and let before she had time to sink it in.

After the door slammed closed it brought Ziva back to reality, what had she done? She ruined the one thing she had in her life that was good Ziva couldn't take it she ran out the bathroom and to the staircase down to Abby's lab.

When she got their Abby had her music blaring but Ziva's sobs broke through it at the sound of crying Abby turned around at what she saw broke her heart and had tears pouring in to her eyes already.

Ziva was balling on the floor her Knees in her chest as she sat tears falling at heart breaking sobs escaping her lips. Abby ram and closed the door to her lab locking it then ran to turn off her music before joining Ziva on the floor sitting right next to her patting her back as she cried with her.

Abby was soothing her as best as she can saying comforting words, until Ziva finial let the last tear fall, she realized what she was doing crying on the floor in Abby's lab like a little teenage girl but Ziva couldn't help it the pain she felt in her heart was too much she couldn't even bare to think of his name and she had to spend the rest of the day with him. Ziva stopped her tears and stood up straight putting her mask on getting ready to face the hardest challenge of her life, life without Tony, at her own cause.

Abby knew what Ziva was doing the sudden shift in emotion she was trying to push everything out Abby knew that she had to get Ziva to talk to her or she would keep it buried inside and it would eat her alive, best way to get something out of Ziva be direct and to the point even if it hurts.

Abby thought for a second what could make Ziva react so sadly, _death? Her brother and sister are already dead, and I don't think she would act like this if Eli died, someone on the team? No an alert would have went out through NCIS, then it hit her TONY! Ziva's one weakness her love for Tony, _then it hit Abby all at once

"You, And Tony broke up huh?" Abby said standing right in front of Ziva looking into her eyes Ziva's eyes looked as if they were focused on something else but once she heard Tony's name and what came after Ziva mask broke and her walls came crashing down as tears came falling out her eyes, Abby started crying again at the thought of her favorite couple ever breaking up, they were designed for each other they were a perfect fit.

Ziva nodded as Abby pulled her into a hug Ziva just kept crying into her shoulder "I'm going to kill him" Abby said as she hugged Ziva tightly

"It is not my fault I broke up with him." Ziva said brokenly

Abby pulled away and looked at Ziva confused "Why would you do that?"

"He was late 2 hours late! And I over reacted I accused him of being unfaithful, and broke up with him, he then told me that he had a doctor's appointment for his lungs." Ziva barley finished before another round of tears escaped her eyes, and her voice caught.

Abby pulled her into another hug hugging her and saying soothing words "It will be okay Ziva"

Ziva nodded pulling away from Abby "It is better now than later when he finds out."

"Finds out what?"

Ziva tell Abby her big secret that she told her father, afraid at how she might react, Abby burst into tears and gives Ziva a bone crushing hug

"Oh, Ziva I'm so sorry, it's okay people make mistakes, I'm sure he would have stayed with you, no one is prefect." Abby tried consoling her friend

"It is okay Abby, I must go Gibbs will be wondering where I am." Abby nodded and gave Ziva a kiss on the cheek and another hug telling her to be strong.

The rest of the day was the hardest time Ziva has ever had, every time she looked at Tony she wanted to cry, she let a few tears slip through that didn't go unnoticed by Gibb's who had asked her what happened but Ziva just shrugged it out and told him she was fine.

When Gibbs finally released them Ziva grabbed her gear and went to the stairwell instead of taking the elevator with the other two NCIS agents.

Ziva was so happy that when she got to the garage she saw Tony's car pulling out of the parking garage.

For Toy after the break up the whole day moved by like a dream, he felt like every breath he took his heart would break every time he looked at Ziva his chest would tighten to the point he thought he would have a heart attack he tried to keep his mind off of her but he couldn't, he felt like he was dying slowly. God must not have liked him today because at a red light passenger let her go started playing through his cars radio

**Well you only need the light when it's burning low**

**Only miss the sun when it starts to snow**

**Only know you love her when you let her go**

**Only know you've been high when you're feeling low**

**Only hate the road when you're missin' home**

**Only know you love her when you let her go**

**And you let her go**

Tony tried to get himself to turn it off but he couldn't he was frozen and was forced to listen to the painful song

**Staring at the bottom of your glass**

**Hoping one day you'll make a dream last**

**But dreams come slow and they go so fast**

**You see her when you close your eyes**

**Maybe one day you'll understand why**

**Everything you touch surely dies**

**But you only need the light when it's burning low**

**Only miss the sun when it starts to snow**

**Only know you love her when you let her go**

He knew he had loved her but until she went to Somalia and thought she was dead he didn't realize how much he had fallen for her.

**Only know you've been high when you're feeling low**

**Only hate the road when you're missin' home**

**Only know you love her when you let her go**

**Staring at the ceiling in the dark**

**Same old empty feeling in your heart**

**'Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast**

**Well you see her when you fall asleep**

**But never to touch and never to keep**

**'Cause you loved her too much**

**And you dived too deep**

Is it possible that he wasn't worthy of her? That God took her from him because he thought she deserved better?

**Well you only need the light when it's burning low**

**Only miss the sun when it starts to snow**

**Only know you love her when you let her go**

**Only know you've been high when you're feeling low**

**Only hate the road when you're missin' home**

**Only know you love her when you let her go**

**And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)**

**And you let her go (oh, oh, ooh, oh no)**

**Will you let her go?**

He knows that he has to let her go that she deserves better, but why is it so hard?

**'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low**

**Only miss the sun when it starts to snow**

**Only know you love her when you let her go**

**Only know you've been high when you're feeling low**

**Only hate the road when you're missin' home**

**Only know you love her when you let her go**

**'Cause you only need the light when it's burning low**

**Only miss the sun when it starts to snow**

**Only know you love her when you let her go**

**Only know you've been high when you're feeling low**

**Only hate the road when you're missin' home**

**Only know you love her when you let her go**

**And you let her go**

And he knew that he had to let her go she had to go find her happiness somewhere else that he couldn't give her that. His heart broke as he stepped into his apartment and into his bed room and cried himself to sleep.

Ziva couldn't help the tears that were escaping her eyes as she tried fighting them back as she drove home and as if to torture her more fate started playing Alicia Keys 'If I ain't got you'

**Some people live for the fortune**

**Some people live just for the fame**

**Some people live for the power, yeah**

**Some people live just to play the game**

**Some people think that the physical things**

**Define what's within**

**And I've been there before**

**But that life's a bore**

**So full of the superficial**

**[Chorus:]**

**Some people want it all**

**But I don't want nothing at all**

**If it ain't you baby**

**If I ain't got you baby**

**Some people want diamond rings**

**Some just want everything**

**But everything means nothing**

**If I ain't got you, Yeah**

Ziva knew that she should turn off the radio but she couldn't the song spoke to much to her she let it play

**Some people search for a fountain**

**That promises forever young**

**Some people need three dozen roses**

**And that's the only way to prove you love them**

**Hand me the world on a silver platter**

**And what good would it be**

**With no one to share **

**With no one who truly cares for me**

Ziva had someone who truly cared for her but she pushed him away she let more tears fall down her face.

**Some people want it all**

**But I don't want nothing at all**

**If it ain't you baby**

**If I ain't got you baby**

**Some people want diamond rings**

**Some just want everything**

**But everything means nothing**

**If I ain't got you, you, you**

**Some people want it all**

**But I don't want nothing at all**

**If it ain't you baby**

**If I ain't got you baby**

**Some people want diamond rings**

**Some just want everything**

**But everything means nothing**

**If I ain't got you, yeah**

**[Outro:]**

**If I ain't got you with me baby**

**So nothing in this whole wide world don't mean a thing**

**If I ain't got you with me baby**

Ziva knew that as she stepped into her apartment, and into her run that she wasn't nothing without Tony he was her love and her life.

Ziva laid down on her bed and cried herself for the first time since Tali had passed.

**A/n Dang! The broke up? XO oh no! don't flame me just have faith in me I promise I will try and fix this, any who, what's the secret that Ziva is keeping from us? How will Tony and Ziva move on? How will the rest of the team react until next time enjoy and REVIEW  
-The Joker**


	4. You Should Be With Me

**A/n this will be the only chapter I put up today, I don't get reviews like I thought I would and am not sure how you guys feel about my story, same as my other story "The Beginning of My Life" I thought more people would be into these stories and comment often but guess not Enjoy the chapter and ill update later.**

**-The Joker**

**Chapter**

**You Should Be With Me**

Ziva sighed as her alarm went off signaling it was time for her to start her Friday morning, she wanted the latest events in her life to have been like the dream she had last night, non-existent, she cried and cried her eyes out thinking about Tony and what he was doing.

Now that her and he broke up she didn't know how she should go about her life, she couldn't imagine how she's going to carry on with the rest of her life now that he is no longer a part of it. Ziva knew she would still see him basically every day, but their partnership and relationship was gone to shit, Ziva looked at the , mirror she truly looked like a broken woman her hair was wild and her eyes were blood red.

She sighed how would she do this alone, she's not strong enough to continue by herself without her rock she is nothing, you can't have life without a soul and Tony is her soul, her heart, and her love. Ziva felt hot tears roll down her cheek the tears were the only warm things Ziva cold feel on her cold body.

She got dressed not really paying much attention to what she put on that ends up being black sweatpants and a hoodie, even though it was the middle of spring Ziva still felt as cold as ice. When she got into her car the drive to the NCIS building was silent the only thing that kept the silence at bay was the radio, as if God wasn't tired of teasing Ziva he decided to tease her more

**What would I do without your smart mouth?**

**Drawing me in, and you kicking me out**

**You've got my head spinning, no kidding, I can't pin you down**

**What's going on in that beautiful mind?**

**I'm on your magical mystery ride**

**And I'm so dizzy, don't know what hit me, but I'll be alright**

Ziva smiled her mind drifted to Tony he could be snappy, and he was sure to give her headaches that made her mind spin but she loved him

**My head's under water**

**But I'm breathing fine**

**You're crazy and I'm out of my mind**

Ziva felt like she was benign suffocated by her loneliness that she never felt before Tony was always there for her now she has to face life without him and she can't take her life, to many people rely on her but she doesn't know how long she can live with the loneliness

**'Cause all of me**

**Loves all of you**

**Love your curves and all your edges**

**All your perfect imperfections**

**Give your all to me**

**I'll give my all to you**

**You're my end and my beginning**

**Even when I lose I'm winning**

**'Cause I give you all of me**

**And you give me all of you, ohoh**

Ziva felt her heart stop as soon as the first sentence was sung, the beautiful lyrics that was sung amazingly, by this artist was hitting Ziva hard, she had tears falling down her eyes she knew she should turn off the radio and finish the rest of the ride to the NCIS building in silence but the loneliness that came with the silence was more frightening then the lyrics and the memories that flashed through her mind

**My head's under water**

**But I'm breathing fine**

**You're crazy and I'm out of my mind**

Ziva was glad that John Legend could breathe because her rapid breathe coupled with the tears falling out her eyes, while trying to hold back the sobs threating to burst out were causing her to lose hers. to make her feel as though she couldn't breathe

**'Cause all of me**

**Loves all of you**

**Love your curves and all your edges**

**All your perfect imperfections**

**Give your all to me**

**I'll give my all to you**

**You're my end and my beginning**

**Even when I lose I'm winning**

**'Cause I give you all of me**

**And you give me all of you, ohoh**

Ziva knew that her life ended when she ended their relationship, why couldn't she just keep her damn mouth close?

**Give me all of you**

**Cards on the table, we're both showing hearts**

**Risking it all, though it's hard**

Ziva had put her all in to Tony but just let her pheromones get in between her reasonable thinking now she has to make a life without her reason for living. He showed his heart to her while he she still hid things from him, he was truthful while she was deceptive, he was loving while she was manipulative she didn't deserve him… But that doesn't mean she doesn't miss him

**'Cause all of me**

**Loves all of you**

**Love your curves and all your edges**

**All your perfect imperfections**

**Give your all to me**

**I'll give my all to you**

**You're my end and my beginning**

**Even when I lose I'm winning**

**'Cause I give you all of me**

**And you give me all of you**

**I give you all of me**

**And you give me all of you, ohoh**

Ziva pulled into the NCIS parking lot and parked in her spot next to Tony's out of habit she was considering pulling out and parking somewhere else but she didn't have the energy, she was consistently hungry cranky and tired, it doesn't help with the heart break she had yesterday she didn't even eat last night, she looked in her rear view mirror and applied some light make up, she knew she wasn't with Tony so she had no one to impress but she didn't want to look completely broken in front of him.

Ziva sighed and got herself mentally ready for today she sighed and got out her car locking it and went to the elevator to start the ascend to the bull pen.

When she got to the bull pen she saw Tony, McGee, and Gibbs working silently at their desk, she noticed when she got to her desk that Tony was wearing his favorite suit, and shoulder hoisters he knew that she thought he looked insanely sexy with them, she looked at his face her heart tightened he looked tired and warn out but was hiding it well, but the bags under his eyes gave him away indicating that he didn't have a very restful sleep.

Ziva knew she had to apologize and do whatever it takes to get Tony back but knew he was hurt so she would have to wait to talk to him unless she wanted to have another argument with him, and that would not get her anywhere.

All her deep thinking made her almost miss McGee who was talking to her.

"ZIVA!" McGee yelled loudly from his desk, Ziva snapped out of her thoughts and looked at him with a confused expression

"Are you okay?" McGee had noticed that Ziva had walked well more liked dragged herself into the office and did not utter a word to anyone which was unusual for Ziva, he also noticed that Tony had less pep in his step and was all work and no play all morning, he looked at Ziva who was still looking at him with a confused look he could tell her mind was light years away, he looked at Tony who was studying Ziva from his desk put her through intense scrutiny, McGee swore he saw remorse hurt, than angry in his senior field agents eyes.

"Umm-Yes McGee I am o-okay" She looked away from McGee truthfully she was far from okay but he didn't have to be worried about her she brought it upon herself. She looked down at her work and was about to start typing but she felt Tony's eyes on her she looked up to see him putting her under intense inspection, Ziva was cussing herself out for beginning so under dressed and under Tony she just didn't have the strength and energy to try to dress more appropriately. She missed the concerned look he gave her.

As the middle of the day came Ziva's confidence grew she avoided being alone with Tony at all, cost even offering to help Gibbs with one of his meeting in MTAC when he refused giving her a weird look she just went and hid out with Ducky, and Palmer, she was just arriving back to the bullpen after Gibbs left from another meeting and McGee said he had to use the bathroom as soon as McGee got up Ziva did and disappeared to go to Abby's lab where she stayed until she was sure McGee was done in the bathroom.

When she got to the bull pen and sat at her desk about to begin working but was cut off by Gibbs

"Grab your gear we got a body"

Ziva was the first one into the elevator after Gibbs instead of getting in her usual position at the back of the elevator with Tony she stood next to Gibbs and let McGee stand next to Tony, she didn't know what was worse standing next to him of in front of him she could feel the heat he released on her back she felt her core dampen at the thought of how close he is, if she turned around and grabbed him just the way he like it or if she put her lips on just the right spot on his collar bone she could have him begging him to take him. Ziva squeezed her thighs as she could fill the wetness in her panties.

As if he could feel the was feeling he stretched and accidently ended up rubbing his lower half on her upper but Ziva almost let out a moan at the slight touch she breathed in deeply trying her best to not turn around and scar McGee and Gibbs for life.

As soon as the elevator doors opened she knew she must have looked like an Olympics track star because she was out of the elevator so quickly waiting in the truck as the rest of the team finally caught up to her, Gibbs McGee and Tony gave her strange expressions as they got in their truck, Gibbs drove her and him to the crime scene the drive was silent except for the radio playing music and occasionally the radio host talking about news and gossip in the world Ziva didn't really focus on it as she went over how much her life changed in the last three days .

When they got to the crime scene Gibbs started barking orders

"McGee, bag and tag "

"Tony go speak to the witness"

"Ziva go take photos then help Tony talk to the witness"

Ziva sighed and started taking photos Ziva looked at the body, it wasn't longer than a day old it was a pretty lady with brunette hair she looked young in her marine uniform, Ziva wondered what she did that made her deserve to die, _Would Tony care if I died now?_ Ziva knew he said she loved him but does he care about her now that they are together after she broke his heart? She doubted he would even look at her twice now.

Ziva sighed as she finished her last picture and looked up at the man that held her heart.

She felt the vice grip of envy and jealousy grip her as she began her way to Tony.

He was speaking to the witness a woman who looked at least in her mid-30's she was pretty and looked intelligent Ziva didn't doubt that she was probably a good woman, but that didn't stop the anger that filled her eyes as she heard the woman laugh then rub her hand on Tony's arm, Tony just laughed in return Ziva squeezed her hands tight in fist as she came to a stop next to Tony, who turned and looked at her and saw the anger that she had in her eyes and got on guard.

"Umm, Cassie this is Agent David my –uhh- _partner_." Tony said putting more attention on the word 'partner' causing Ziva to flinch as she realized he wasn't going to introduce her as his girlfriend anymore

"Hi I'm Cassie Matters, I was Danna's neighbor" she had put out her hand as introduced herself but Ziva just glared at her and didn't reach for her hand, "I hope Tony has actually questioned you."

"Zi-"Tony started but was cut off

"Would it be a problem if you come back to the NCIS building for further questioning?" Ziva asked glaring daggers at the obviously intimidated women who just shook her head being at the loss of words do to being put in front of this woman's harsh treatment

Ziva just grabbed Tony's arm stopping him in the middle of his apology

"Ziva what the fuck is wrong with you" he asked when they were alone in the truck waiting for Gibbs and McGee to enter the truck

"I do not like that woman flirting with you Tony." Ziva had a look that could stop a train she was determined to stop this nonsense.

"Well to be honest I couldn't give a shit, we aren't together so I may speak to whoever I can." Ziva was stunned Tony's glare rivaled Gibbs and the anger that radiated off his body made her want to quiver up under his intense stare but she is Ziva David so she didn't back down from their staring contest, Ziva started at Tony and couldn't help the lust that drew in her as she started at him he was so sexy when he was angry and he looked so amazing she leaned in close to him going into for the kiss

Tony pushed her away giving her a hurt look as he stared at her disgustedly "I can't believe you, I gave you everything, you were my everything, and I told you I loved you! But you still break up with me, now you try to kiss me because what you feel you have some claim on me? Well listen to this Ziva we are NOTHING, we are barely partners so don't ruin that too." Tony got in to the car slamming the door, ignoring the pure looks of agony Ziva gave him at each word spoken.

Ziva ran to her and Gibbs truck hands in her face crying like a heart broken teenager, she felt as if someone ripped her heart out and crushed it before her very own eyes she knew that she hurt Tony bad that she broke his heart and ruined their partnership and relationship, but hearing him say It hurt a thousand times worse she felt as though there was no pain on earth that measured to the pain her heart felt.

She cried and cried and didn't even notice that Gibbs got into the car

"God, Ziver"

She heard Gibbs say as he got into the driver's seat she felt him reach over and pull him to her so her head was in his chest.

"What's wrong?" Gibbs said as rubbing her back trying his best to comfort his hurt agent. "DiNozzo didn't do anything stupid did he?"

"No" Ziva croaked out do to the intensive crying, that she seemed to be doing a lot of lately

"Then what's the matter Ziver?" he didn't understand why his Assassin agent was crying her eyes out in the truck.

"I-I bro-broke up with him." Ziva barely got the words out as she let out another heart shattering sob, Gibbs was hella confused now. _Why would she break up with DiNozzo?_ "Why? What happened Ziva?"

Ziva told him everything from her secret to telling her father to Abby, everything. Gibbs felt his heart break as he heard what Ziva told him how she broke up with him and had to comfort her when she stopped and started sobbing again

"It's going to be okay Ziva" Gibbs said raising Ziva's head so she was looking at him, Ziva could barely see him through her tear filled eyes even though she heard what he said she couldn't help but think that

_Everything is not going to be okay_

**A/n there you go an updated chapter REVIEW tell me if you enjoyed it, are you curious to what Ziva's secret is? Wonder if Tony will every find out? How much pain can they go through before they come together? REVIEW and an updated chapter might come sooner**

**-The Joker**


	5. What Will I Do?

**A/n hey guys sorry for the late update been hella busy, here's the chapter for the day I may post again so look for it, you know im a football player and I've been doing summer conditioning, but now I just finished my first week of 2 a days which means I have two practices a day, so I'm extremely tired but I will be trying to be consistent in my updates enjoy the chapter **

**-The Joker**

**Chapter 5**

**What Will I Do?**

Ziva had calmed herself while Gibbs drove them back to NCIS headquarters, she didn't want to let Tony or anyone else see that she had cried with Gibbs own the way back to NCIS main building, so she put up her best emotional masks that she could muster and exited the truck with Gibbs, and headed up to the bull pen expecting that McGee and Tony would be in the bull pen working on the case.

Ziva and Gibbs left out the elevator and as Ziva had thought Tony and McGee had already started working on finding the killer, McGee had acknowledged his boss and partners entrance giving them a quick nod then continuing with his work.

But Tony was obviously upset because he didn't even bother to look at her or Gibbs, ignoring both Agents. Ziva sighed as she sat down and tried to figure out how she was going to get through the rest of the day, 30 minutes later Gibbs had got a call from the reception desk down stairs saying that Cassie Matters, the witness to the Danna Sheriff's case was there to give her statement.

"Ziver, DiNozzo, Matters is here and waiting down stairs go get her and bring her to integration." Gibbs had gruffed as he had got up and headed to the viewing room with McGee

The ride down to the main floor of the building couldn't have been anymore silent and awkward, anyone who saw the scene would think that Ziva had some type of fatal disease do to how Tony was as far as physically possible away from Ziva In the elevator.

Ziva tried her hardest to try to show that she was unaffected by his demonstrations but was losing the battle quickly Ziva let out a sigh of relief as the elevator door rang and moved quickly out of the elevator so she wouldn't have to be in the elevator any longer with Tony.

When they reached Cassie at the receptionist desk Tony took the lead

"Ah, it's great to see that you came Cassie" Tony had said giving Cassie a flirtaous smile that made Ziva's blood run cold with envy and jealousy because she knew that this would be the longest few hours of her life

"That's a mighty charming smile Tony" Ziva was taken back**_this _**_bitch _Ziva was pissed**_this_**_bitch, just met Tony, like an hour ago but they are on first name basis now?_

"We would like to have your statement for we can get you out of here as soon as possible." Ziva said with more force than needed giving Cassie a hard glare that made the young women gulp and step slightly back in fear.

Tony nervously chuckled trying to release the tension "If you would come with us Cassie"

They walked their way to the elevator and got in Cassie and Tony got in first leaving Ziva to stand in front of the two.

Not seeing Ziva's murderous glare must have gave Cassie some confidence as she and Tony began flirting again

"Agent DiNozzo, I didn't notice how muscular you were earlier." Cassie had said rubbing her hands on Tony's arms and shoulders

Tony was speechless the comment was okay but the unexpected touching had put him off guard he was just watching Cassie and hadn't even noticed that Ziva had turned so that she could see them and was giving them the must threating and horrifying glare that she could muster.

Luckily for Tony and Cassie the elevator doors had opened with a ding making Cassie Tony, and Ziva walkout and down to the interrogation room when they got in they sat down and began their questioning

"Thank you for coming out Cassie I know this might be hard for you we just want to know a few things about your neighbor Danna Sheriff, did you know if Danna had any enemies anyone who would like to hurt her?" Tony had asked

"No Danna was nice and sweet to everyone I don't know why anyone would have wanted to hurt her." Cassie replied

"How was your relationship with Danna like? I know she was your neighbor but were you guy's friends?" Tony asked

"No, not really Tony we didn't really hangout except when someone in the neighborhood would have a cookout or something."

"When was the last time you saw Danna before she was murdered?" Ziva asked forcefully

"Umm two days before I saw here briefly while she was unloading her car, she was putting her grocery away."

"Where were you last night?"

"Agent David are you trying to accuse me of killing my neighbor?" Cassie said clearly getting upset at the tone of voice Ziva was using with her

"No Ms. Matters I was just asking a simply and relevant question, where were you around 12 am last night?" Ziva said keeping her voice and face blank

"I was at home asleep, in my bed."

Ziva grunted gruffly earing a glare from Cassie and a look from Tony

"We will be right back Cassie" Tony said as he and Ziva left the interrogation room and went into the viewing room with McGee and Gibb's

"I don't think she has anything to do with this boss" Tony says to Gibbs, but before his boss could arrive Ziva cuts in

"Of course you want to defend your whore" Ziva said with a sarcastic tone

"She's not my whore Agent David and if she was, that would be none of your concern." Tony said sharply giving Ziva the best stare he could muster

Gibbs sighed and head slapped both his agents knowing that this was the best way to stop there arguing

"I swear if you two can't get back together, or at least act like partners I will have you both fired!" Gibbs gave them the icy blue stare at the end of his threat.

"Now get the witness out of her and write your reports after that I want you to go home all of you."

Gibbs said as he walked out the viewing room muttering he needed dome more coffee

It's been 2 hours since Ziva and Tony had let Cassie go home, her and Tony were still having issues and had not said more than one word to each other since Gibbs had yelled at them it was killing Ziva on the inside knowing that she has ruined the best thing that has happened to her but she can't give up. She has to find a way to get her man back to let him know that she's sorry.

She knew that Tony had excepted their breaking up so easily because he already had trust issues that and the fact that he thinks that she is the most beautiful thing on planet earth, makes him think that he is somehow unworthy of her. When it is her that doesn't deserve him.

She sighed as she finished up her report and saved it on her computer it was late and her and Gibbs were the only ones left in the bull pen McGee and Tony leaving a few minutes ago.

She signed off and turned off her computer before letting Gibbs know she was heading home to which he nodded and said

"See you Monday"

She just smiled and entered the elevator, she let the tears escape her eyes, all day she was fighting back she thought about her and Tony's break up the previous day, her attempt on kissing him earlier that day all the happiness he had brought her. Then she thought about his face when she told him they were over, she sobbed softly in the safety of the elevator as all thoughts of Tony crashed on to her

She doesn't know if she will be able to be strong enough to work day in and day out next to Tony who she loves but cannot bear to watch him fall in love with another women.

The elevator opened and she dragged herself to her car, racing home going 30 over the speed limit not caring about the possible results

She dragged herself into her apartment and crashed on to her bed crying herself to sleep while thinking about her beloved Anthony DiNozzo.

Ziva woke with a start of a ringing sound she looked at the clock it was 12pm she sighed realizing how stressed and tired she must be because she never sleeps this late always waking up at 5am to go on her runs.

She picked up her phone answering it

"Shalom" she says groggily

"Wow Ziva you sound like shit"

The cheery peppy voice of Abby broke through the phone

"Abby I really don't want to do anything but sleep, leave me alone"

"No, Ziva I refuse to let you slouch around and beat yourself up over your break up with Tony, and for you that's not healthy so get ready cause Ima be at your house in like 40 minutes we are4 going shopping, and I will kick down your door if I have to now GET UP!"

Ziva sighed knowing that there was no way she was going to get out of this

"Alright I will see you in a bit, yes"

"Alright bye Ziva"

"Bye"

Ziva sighed heavily as she got up and grabbed some clothes and went to take a shower by the time she had finished and stepped out the bathroom Abby had rang the door bell

Ziva walked to the door opening it to see a smiling Abby whose face dropped slightly at the sight of Ziva

"Gosh Ziva you really need this plus we have a lot of shopping to do cause there's plenty of things that you need to pick up."

Abby said as she grabbed Ziva pulling her out her apartment and to the elevator all the while Ziva was giving light protests

When Ziva and Abby had arrived at the mall they began picking up things Ziva would need for her future

Ziva felt herself beginning to relaxes and feel better the longer her and Abby were out shopping, finally she let herself enjoy it

They ended up taking a break from shopping and went into a Baskin Robbins inside the mall to get ice cream they went and sat down so they were by a fountain in the middle of the mall.

"Thank you Abby for taking me out today I really needed it."

Ziva said giving her friend a grateful smile

"No problem Ziva like I said it's not healthy for you to be down especially in a time like this."

Ziva smiled and was about to speak when a man approached them

"Excuse me"

Both the women looked up to see a handsome young man around 25 with blond hair and blue eyes standing right in front of them with his eyes on Ziva

"I'm Dan, I was just wondering if maybe I could take you out or maybe get your number, or both it doesn't matter" he said nervously scathing the back of his head

Ziva watched and thought it was cute, but the man was not Tony so she had no interested in him

"Im sorry but I have a boyfriend" Ziva said giving him a kind smile

"Ah, I thought you would a beautiful women as you wouldn't be single." He said returning her smile "enjoy yourselves and have a nice day." Dan said before turning and walking away

"A boyfriend? I thought you broke up with Tony?" Abby asked

"Well I still love him Abby"

Abby just nodded her understandings the rest of the day went by smoothly as the two had finished up their shopping Ziva thanking Abby for the stress relief when she dropped her off back at her apartment.

Ziva had a better outlook on life knowing that at least Abby had her back

**A/n hey guys! Theirs your chapter, I want to try and update again tomorrow but we will see again im sorry I haven't updated but I have been busy with football and other things REVEIW and tell me how you liked the chapter.**

**-The Joker**


	6. Authors Note!

**A/n I am so so so so so very sorry guys for my lack of updating ive been so busy with school and football, I will be trying to update today or sometime this week so please don't give up on this story because I am not done with it!**

**-The Joker**


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